Posted by Michael Wilkinson (lookfar99@gmail.com)

Greetings, Brothers All!

Here is a summary of the evaluations of Roots and Wings for your perusal:

The feedback was generally positive, with some great suggestions about how to make the next conference even better.

The best thing is that Roots and Wings spawned two separate groups that are still meeting on a regular basis, the Purple People Eaters, a continuation of the self-worth clan, and the Circle of Sages. That a conference dedicated to connection birthed ongoing groups is a testimonial in itself.

People also really enjoyed the kite building block. Many reported how great it was to see everyone’s kites flying in the blue New Mexico sky at the same time.

There was much positive feedback about the Saturday night process; people really seemed to like the creativity that was expressed.

The NMMW History book was highly praised, as were the clans, and the balance between open time and structured time. People very much appreciated the Circle of Sages.

The constructive criticism was varied, and very helpful. Several people wished there was more time to process info in small groups or dyads, especially after the forgiveness ceremony. It seemed that there was a disconnect with the clan leaders; at times they didn’t know what to do next. Many missed the sweats, some wanted more “head” activities, while others wanted less. Some wanted more dancing and singing, and others wanted less. Some felt there was not enough open time, while others wished the grief ceremony had been deeper.

This process was fascinating for me. As the leader for 2010, it is clear to me that no matter what I do, I will not please everyone; I shall not even try. When asking advice about how I should proceed from our wise friend Gaylon, he told me to conduct a Conference that I would like to attend. A weight was lifted off my back! That’s easy, I told myself.

So, kind and wise men, the theme for 2010 Fall Conference is: “Walking the Path, Fording the Stream.” We shall investigate with curiosity and a sense of wonder the path we have created for ourselves, and explore how we deal with the conflicts/obstacles/challenges we encounter upon it. Bring your walking shoes, your thinking caps, and your sense of humor, and let’s see how we can create more fun, fulfillment, and freedom in this new, exciting decade!

Wishing you wellness,

Michael

VERY WELL STATED

I share many of these concerns also.

In my emails to Lawrence and Michael, I also identified my concerns about New Mexico Men’s Wellness, a trepidation that I believe has added so much to so many men of New Mexico and the USA.  While I had to drop out for a few years due to some very significant financial problems, I like others want to rekindle a light that has some energy to try to have NMMW around for another 25 years.
My recent email to Lawrence and Michael sums up some of my concerns and I share this with you not to boast, but out of genuine concern for NMMW’s future as I recommit myself to the group.

Food for thought:

I heard some items that struck a curiosity (at the planning meeting for the 25th).

I heard the NMMW had a surplus when there were 135 participants.  Were there other years that a surplus was generated and if so what was the attendance?

While, I understand that a larger group means that we do not know everyone who is in attendance and that fact may be uncomfortable for many.  In my initial year, I did not know anyone and was very impressed by the group’s longevity, openness to accept me for who I was, and contribution to men’s wellness. Some of my associations at the first conference, have turned out to be some enduring friendships, and men who have been there to support my growth and development. While I never was one of the original group, and I would have been much more comfortable and more at ease in knowing someone, it was in getting to know those men, hearing their stories, that I gained from their wisdom, life experience and increased  my participation in the conference and realized that I had been blessed.  I truly believe in and have felt the value in NMMW’s motto:

Personal Growth and Development is something YOU have to do … but YOU don’t have to do it ALONE.
While, I am not the most intelligent guy on the planet, I believe that the more “new blood” we get into NMMW, the more support we all receive from each other and the more the group can leave to future generations.

In another comment was made in meeting with someone from the VA Veterans Administration: we used to have a veteran’s get together for all early one morning. I have been to some of those get-to-gathers and learned even more about the men who have served or country and, as a vet, felt very welcomed into the community.  Perhaps we should consider having the VA sponsor some vets in having them return or attend, for the first time, our conference. Appreciation needs to be demonstrated to the vets from WWII, Korea, Vietnam, and all of the other conflicts in which our country has participated rightly or wrongly. For it is the men who supported our nation, from whom we and they can help each other grow and develop.

Great Planning meeting. and a BIG THANKS to both of you.

I could go on but many of you have voiced my concerns.  I hope we will be able to assemble a session at this year’s conference that addresses these issues for OUR FUTURE.

From my heart,
René

Nicely done, Will, and thank you, Christopher, for your concerns, or lack thereof:

As a newbie to NMMW, I momentarily resisted responding, but I got over that pretty quickly. I too have some comments about NMMW from my limited perspective.

I believe that NMMW is a lighthouse on rocky shores. Too often we as men have been pinned under the illusion of powerlessness, emasculation, and despair with which our society neuters us. The precept that we are limited, one-dimensional people, a beer in one hand and a remote in the other, is a canard all too readily bought into by many of our dear brothers, and NMMW is an antidote to this. I celebrate the changes NMMW has made in my life, and I make a stand for the continuation of the incredible benefits the organization generates for young and old alike.

That said, I know there will be, and need to be, changes. Nothing is static; the universe is in contant flux, and NMMW is no different. Could we have more members? Certainly. Could we open ourselves to inmates, minorities, veterans, fathers, sons? Certainly. Could we create an organization thousands strong, giving birth to similar themes, groups, and workshops which reach not only men but the women and children related to them? Yes! We already have begun this process with the Father/Daughter weekend, Cook’s couple’s weekend, and other outreach programs. AND, I caution, the larger an organization is, the more impersonal it can be. I would hate to see NMMW become an institution, whose main purpose is maintaining itself at all costs. So, there is room for growth and change, but let’s be thoughtful and clear in the changes we bring.

The recent flutter about the sweat lodge brought up for me a concept I’ve been thinking about for a while. Robby runs the sweat in a jocular, playful manner, and I, for one, really appreciate this. I understand the need for significance and meaning – Lord knows I need some of this – and I want to caution against becoming TOO significant and meaningful. One of the things about NMMW I appreciate the most is the ability to play with my brothers, something I didn’t do enough of as a child. Personally, I would like to see us go toward more fun and play rather than toward more “significance.” I have, sometimes, found myself chafing during circle talks, as men ponder meaning and profundity with their intellects, rather than feeling things with their hearts. I want to SING! I want to PLAY! I want to CRY! Sometimes, the “mental masturbation” gets old. After all, how significant IS human life in the eyes of the forces that created the universe? I t’ink not much… That’s not to say things don’t matter; they do, but lightness, laughter, and love are FAR more important to me than mattering.

Thank you, gentle men, for listening. I look forward to seeing you all again soon…

In love,

Michael

(Comment from Will Hoffman, wlhoffman@earthlink.net)

Thank you Christopher for your thoughts about New Mexico Men’s Wellness (NMMW). I particularly appreciate your statement of our mission and special interests, as well as your visions.

I think NMMW is reaching a watershed or a crossroads and our roots and wings are coming to bear. In the stages of the development of an organization, we have reached maturity and could become more formalized with all of the ingredients such as bylaws, officers, mission & goal, membership fees, etc. It is a natural process, especially for an organization that is unique, that essentially has no “competition,” that fills an important niche and could do a lot more for a lot more guys.

I think our foundation is strong — vital, committed, engaged men, doing and being. What we want to do can be a gamble while I think we have the “right stuff” for where we are going and can go. There are risks: we could become a group which perpetuates itself, whose main goal is self-preservation marked by what I call institutional hemophilia. On the other hand, we could become an elitist group or one that ventures to far from its core mission, or we could divide. Another risk is that while we grow numerically and with activities, the real life-blood, the core, of the organization could shrink and our membership, although more diverse, could be more nominal, going through the motions, maintenance of effort.

My response to this is to live and create dangerously, to sin boldly, to wager all that we have. If we succeed, I think a true measure will be that other, similar organizations and activities will develop. We certainly don’t need vanity or monopoly. And the ways in which we go about what we do — the form, the process, our face — will change and evolve, if the ideas are sound and the people committed.

We have many choices and many gifts. Collectively we are strong, four times a year. Individually, the remaining 358 days, we live out our lives, hopefully carrying the flame we rekindle the other eight days. We are headed in the right directio.